Asked by Anonymous
Do I look like a kid to you? I’m a thirty-year-old man, you know….
But seriously; don’t start stealin’ children away from this town. I may not be a detective anymore, but I’ll still come chasin’ after you and arrest you before you can say, “Pedo.”
Asked by rachealweasley12
*Stanley gets smothered with the boxes of fudge and slowly crawls out.*
Thanks for the fudge. Keeps my brain movin’ on all those sleepless nights that I may or may not spend
reading comics and science fiction dutifully studying the supernatural so that I can get a date may further improve mankind’s understanding of the universe.
Anyways, me and Dipper have been on quite a few hunts lately. Most of ‘em were fruitless, but the very last one we went on turned out pretty good.
See, Dipper’s just like me: he sees somethin’ interesting in the Journals, he gets all excited about the supernatural, makes some fantastical plan about it, and then sets out to figure it out no matter what.
So, he comes awkwardly stumblin’ into my room the other day and starts ramblin’ about ‘this really cool thing I found in Journal 3 and it’s this awesome creature called ‘The Whirling Whimpus’ and it can spin and it spins so fast that you can’t see it but you can hear it buzzing and it’s really cool even though it eats humans, and, well, Wendy would probably think it was cool if I caught one and told her about it… anyways you should come help me find it because, I’m not scared, of course, but because you’re an awesome uncle and yeah.’
I’d heard of it before and knew that it was dangerous. See, the Whirling Whimpus was an old lumberjack myth about a creature who could spin so fast that it was invisible, but you could hear it spin. But here’s the twist: it would sneak up on lumberjacks, turn them into syrup, and then feed on the soupy remains.
I was certain Dipper would go looking for it even if I told him not to, so I agreed just to look after him. And, frankly, I’d rather not see my great nephew get turned into syrup and gobbled up by a monster.
So I agreed. We went out at sundown, sat behind some bushes, and waited.
Now, I don’t have to explain why we went runnin’ for the hills after about two minutes of waiting. Here comes this buzzing sound, and me and Dipper take one look at each other and book it.
The Whirling Whimpus is an extremely fast creature. Naturally, it caught up to us and pinned us against a big line of thick trees. We had nowhere to go, and were left starin’ that ugly beast right in its furry face. It’s about seven feet tall, has a gorilla’s head, with horse legs in the back and paddles for its front legs (which helps it spin).
It nears us, Dipper starts to shake, and I’m left relyin’ on the only thing a nerd like me’s got: my brain.
I grab Dipper by the back of his vest, start running around the nearest tree, and hope to heaven that my plan is gonna work. It chases after us, and when I can’t stand to run anymore, I make a leap for the nearest/shortest branch and hope I catch onto it.
I did. We’re danglin’ there, Dipper just barely hanging by my hand on his vest. The Whimpus is just below us, spinnin’ and spinnin’, hopin’ to make a meal of us…
Then Dipper’s journal falls out of his vest and smacks the thing square in the face. Needless to say, gettin’ hit with that heavy book (that also happens to be drenched with Dipper’s preteen… odor) knocked it out, and I finally let go.
Dipper was ready to leave right then and there, but I told ‘im to wait. I grabbed some vines, tied them tight around the Whimpus, and then tied it to the same tree we’d been dangling from.
And then we went home, bruised and scratched and ready to sleep for about twenty hours. Mabel and Stanford were puzzled when we came back, but after questioning us about twenty times, we only muttered a one word explanation:
They understood us perfectly.
(OOC NOTE:http://www.lumberwoods.com/p65.htm )
Asked by asterionboy
Well, besides the fact that we all are nuts about the paranormal (excludin’ Stanford, of course, even though he was willin’ to use it to get me back)…
Not really. Growin’ up, I guess you could say Stanford and I’s household was a bit ‘religiously conflicted’. See, our father was raised Jewish but our mother was raised Catholic. They didn’t really care too much about the differences, since they were in love with one another, but…
Well, they planned on gettin’ married. The only problem was this: who should convert to the other’s religion, and if they didn’t, what would they raise their children to be?
On top of that, both my father and my mother’s families were strict with their religion and were completely against lettin’ their kid (either my Mom or Dad) change their faith.
So, my parents agreed to disagree, and decided that they’d BOTH change their religion. They became Lutheran Christian, and that’s what me and Stanford were raised as.
Even so, me and Stanford grew up celebratin’ Catholic and Jewish holidays and traditions, since we still were close to both of our parents’ respective families. So, one day we’d be over at our paternal grandparents celebratin’ Hanukkah, and the next we were sittin’ beside a Christmas Tree with our maternal grandparents.
Seemed like a fair trade, I suppose.
Me and Stanford’s older brother, Roderick (Dipper and Mabel’s grandfather) decided to turn full-blown Jewish once he got married, so my nephew Victor Pines (Dipper and Mabel’s father) was raised Jewish, and, finally, so were Mabel and Dipper.
Stanford and I never really were big on religion. I suppose I believe in a God of some sort, as I can’t really prove he doesn’t exist. But on the other hand, I can’t prove that he does.
I guess that makes me an Agnostic.
(OOC NOTE: After looking it up, I found out that the last name ‘Pines’ is actually a Jewish (Eastern Ashkenazic) surname. Plus, Mabel’s said some Yiddish terms, like ‘Mazel Tov’, so I just assume they might be Jewish, even though their religion will have no effect on the show. I’m probably wrong about it, but hey: it’s my own headcanon.)
Asked by Anonymous
Do you mean stuff that’s literally terrifying? Or stuff that’s disturbing to the point of being terrifying?
’Cause I’ve seen lots of things that fit both of those categories. Like slobberin’ werewolves, Dipper’s hygiene practices, and my brother, Stanford.
Whew! It’s been a long time since I added anything to this blog. I’ve been crazy busy lately, and I wish to apologize for the inactivity. If you sent in asks, they will be answered in time.
Meanwhile, I’ve been working on an overhaul of my fanfic for this blog. I was unsatisfied with the way I wrote the characters (I really felt that I wasn’t fair to Stanford, even though the sleazebag jokes were funny, and I was going too fast), so I’m rewriting the story.
I’ve already completed the first chapter and put it up on FF.net. I’ll upload it soon to the blog (and get rid of the old version’s chapters), but in the meantime, here’s the link to my FF.net page:
Thanks again for your patience, and I hope you enjoy the fic!
~The chick who runs this blog
Asked by Anonymous
Most of what Bill told me was about his interactions with humans. More specifically, famous ones.
You might think Bill’s just braggin’ when he says he’s shaped human society, but, to be brutally honest, he has. From meeting ancient kings and queens to having chats with modern leaders, from tellin’ the British to colonize North America to convincing the Egyptians to build entire monuments in his image…
I hate to admit it, but he’s probably the most influential being on Earth.
So I asked him about his travels quite often. He was happy to oblige.
His favorite topics are:
A.) How much of a man-whore Benjamin Franklin was.
B.) How he convinced Brutus to kill Caesar
and C.) The time he pushed King Tut down a set of stairs and caused him to break his leg, which then gave him the infection that ultimately killed him.
In other words, Bill Cipher is a jerk.
Asked by Anonymous
Doctor? Doctor who?
Hmmm… well, if I remember correctly, there was a strange, time-travelin’ guy who came to Gravity Falls once. He didn’t say much while he was in town, just that he needed to get out of here because there was wood everywhere.
Nice guy, though. He asked me if he could borrow a few tools so that he could fix his… TARDIS, I think it was called. I obliged and then he thanked me, went inside, popped his head back out again, told me to ‘stay away from weeping angels’, and then left.